You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
