I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
