Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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