I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
