I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
