God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
