maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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