oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
