All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You're a waste of cheezeits
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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