Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
