ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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