Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
