redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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