i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
