I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
