they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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