Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
