So drunk, too bad you don't want this
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
