im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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