I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
