How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she looked like the before picture.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
