You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
