So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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