Umm I'm too high to move.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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