Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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