Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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