Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
