using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
