This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
