I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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