He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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