They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
