"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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