Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
