using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
