Im at strip club and am horny
My Higher Power is John Stamos
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
