you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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