smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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