i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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