Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize