My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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