You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
