I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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