Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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