You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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