Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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