How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
