a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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