I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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