Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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