worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
