Have you finally orgasmed yet?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
