Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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