at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
