you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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