I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
