Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
