this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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