i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it glows. i had to have it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
