dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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