At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
