Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
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you told grandpa to call you daddy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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