I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
