Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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