On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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