I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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