I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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