i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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