I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
