If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
