Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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