Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
